10_0501 | martha, cancel my appointments…

We’ve all been there: you’re loaded up with work to do and no time to do it in.  You’ve got to complete this scale model of Red Square, tune the carburetor on the Buick, roast six pounds of coffee, collate these 1000 pages, and teach that chimpanzee black belt karate all in the next 24 hours or the Earth will explode and everyone will blame you.  Trust me, it’s a more common occurrence than you would think.  Looks like you’ll be facing an all-night blitz to get this century’s “To Do” list done in one night.  Luckily and unfortunately, I am well-versed in the ways of the all-nighter.  My credentials you ask?  My last year in college, of the 180 school nights, I went sleepless for 57 of them.  Yes, that is nearly one in three.  Yes, I probably shaved a good dozen years off my life [I hope not next year, I need that one].  And yes, I will share my expertise with you.   With my help, an all-nighter will be easier than quantum physics.

This little piece of work kept me awake for nearly 1/3 of my last year in college.

Obviously, the most important thing to pulling an all-nighter is maintaining momentum.  At no point do you want a lull that may cost you your consciousness.  Remember, sleep means the Earth will destroy itself.  Thus, it is imperative that you do everything you can to stay awake.  Before you start, there is a checklist of things to do/get that you will find helpful:

1.   A ridiculous supply of your preferred stimulant.  Most people go for caffeine as it is the most readily available [and legal].  I suggest having a pound or two of coffee beans at the ready, or, if you don’t mind the taste: an energy drink.  If I must, I prefer Rockstar Punched.  It tastes like fruit punch.

2.   Get into comfortable clothes.  I’ve got an old hoodie and pajama pants that are second to none when it comes to comfort.  Now you might think that being comfortable will induce sleep and you’d be right.  This is an occupational hazard.  But on the other hand, you want to reduce stress or strain on the body as much as possible to keep your energy levels up.  Uncomfortable clothes will drain you in a 24-hour haul. 

3.   Fuel.  No, not unleaded.  I’m talking food.  Health and junk food is a must.  Apples are superb because they contain chemicals that have as much waking power as a cuppa joe.  You want to combine carbs with protein.  Carbs for the right now boost and protein for energy later when you aren’t hungry.

4.   Fan or air mobilizer.  This may seem strange, but believe me, you want some sort of air circulation when you’ve been sitting in the same spot for the past 16 hours.  It will help keep your area fresh and cool.  It’s harder to sleep when it’s cold.

5.   A high-energy playlist.  If you can stand the pulse lifting thump-thump-thump of techo, this could be the best.  Speed metal and punk are also good alternatives.  This should be something you agree with and enjoy.  The last thing you want is soul, classical, or chill-out music.  Load up your iTunes with 24 hours of your favorite up-tempo sounds and get ready for the long haul.

6.   Timer.  Set it for 2 hour intervals.  The reasons for this are threefold: should you fall asleep, it’ll wake you up in a couple hours.  When the timer dings, get up, walk around, and stretch.  Stretching gets the blood flowing and keeps your body loose—preventing that strain and stress that will kill your energy.  Also, the timer reminds you to grab a small snack. 

Now that you have your checklist, it’s time to dig in and get to work.  Now, you may be tempted to toss back a couple cups of coffee or your Red Bull before you start.  Don’t do it!  You want to keep a slow, steady IV of caffeine coming.  This will prevent you from overloading on caffeine which will make you lose focus.  A slow stream also decreases the possibility of a crash later.  Sip your coffee slowly throughout the night.  A cup should last at least an hour, if not two. You don't want to burnout artificially.

It might look like a soft place for a nap, but it's not a good idea to sleep

in a chicken house.  They stink of ammonia and are full of poop.  Oh and chickens.

If you’re eyes are starting to close and you’re slowly slipping off this plane of consciousness, get up, walk around, stretch, get a boost of caffeine, eat some snacks, and then, if you can, do something else on your list [that monkey’s not going to train itself].  Switching tasks forces your brain to focus on something else and wakes you up a little. 

Lastly, take regular breaks [every 4-5 hours].  It not only revives you, but gives you something to look forward to.  You can make mini-goals for yourself: for example: “I’m going to make up six more Chuck Norris jokes then take a break.”  These mini-goals motivate you, diminish the ominous feeling of a huge to do list, and help you to perceive yourself as moving forward [which is key for morale].  However, it is important to keep the breaks short—no more than 20 minutes.  Much longer than that and you won’t want to get back to work.

Follow these directions and before you know it the sun will be rising and you’ll be on the home-stretch.  If Jack Bauer can do 24 hours, so can you, because that sissy is no Chuck Norris.